Why Couples Intensives Work: Deep Repair Without the Year of Weekly Sessions
Couples usually think about seeking help when they are in crisis, or after years of trying on their own to fix their communication problems. By then they are often feeling sad, hesitant, avoidant, skeptical, and hopeless. They finally decide to try therapy, and eventually find a therapist who may or may not have specialized couples therapy experience. They have a consultation. Then the therapist tells them that the deep couples work they need to recover could take 6-12 months using the one-hour-a-week model.
Thinking of taking a year of once-a-week therapy to fix things seems overwhelming, and motivation to sustain that pace can be low. How will two people find the same free hour every week for month after month? How can they justify taking time out of work every week for 6-12 months? What about finding childcare, or making sure they have privacy for telehealth regularly for that long? They’re busy. How will they find time to do the homework the therapist says they have to do to get better?
The Limits of Once-a-Week Therapy
Traditional once-a-week therapy doesn’t always allow for the deep work needed to repair a relationship. I have heard many couples say that just as they have let go of the day behind them and relaxed enough to fully engage, the session is over, and they leave with a lot of loose ends that need to wait another one or two weeks to pick up again. In the meantime, there is more time for disconnection and withdrawal patterns to continue, and more discouragement and loss of hope and confidence for change.
Many couples forget to do their therapy homework in between sessions and feel embarrassed about that. Others don’t feel confident enough yet to practice what came up during a session, so they avoid it until they can return for more help doing it without causing further problems. Progress is further delayed, old patterns continue and get worse, and hope for change starts to dwindle.
What Intensives Offer
With couples intensive sessions of 4, 6, or 10 hours, there is no rush. There is no looking at the clock and wondering whether to bring something up because there may not be time to process to the extent necessary to fully heal. There is no stress about how you’ll find time to do the homework. We have the time needed to create and sustain a safe space to do what you came here to do, with your therapist there to catch you when you veer off and help you get back on course in real time. You and your therapist have no place else to be in an hour, and can be fully present when it gets hard, knowing there is time to repair and grow.
Extended sessions of personalized therapy, just for you and your partner, provide the insight and tools to help you feel confident using them after you leave. If needed, periodic maintenance sessions can be helpful as check-ins to support you afterwards.
Time and Cost
Couples tend to reach their goals much quicker with an intensive format than with the once-a-week style of therapy. While there is a financial investment, couples intensives often end up costing less overall. It’s entirely possible to do the equivalent of six months’ worth of therapy in one weekend.
For perspective, paying privately for one year of regular therapy (around 50 sessions), the total price ends up being $8,000, and that doesn’t even include the extra for the intake. For a two-day weekend intensive, the cost, including the pre-intensive consultation, is $2,200. The intention is to leave the weekend feeling more hopeful and ready to do the work than with the piecemeal, week-by-week approach.
If an entire weekend isn’t for you, a one-day or even a 4-hour extended session can feel like the equivalent of up to 3 months’ worth of therapy.
Make the Time
Set aside an afternoon, a day, or a weekend to fully devote to your relationship. It’s worth it.
